My Kids Deserve To Be Kids: Raising Biracial Children

Written by Kristen, 35, Phoenix

I am a woman, and like many other women, I work in a majority white, male-dominated industry. I’m also married to a Black man and am a mother to two biracial children. Because of this, the burden I carry with me every day may differ from most other white women, but I realize it doesn’t compare to that of women of color: after all, I am white and privileged with a college education. 

In addition to the many other things I worry about as a mom, I worry for my husband’s life every time he leaves the house. And our kids? We don’t even allow them to play with nerf guns or water guns outside the house… but that didn’t matter for Tamir Rice. We have had these conversations with them about police brutality since they were able to talk and understand the concepts of right and wrong. We have told them about Tamir, Trayvon, George Floyd, and Breonna Taylor. We’ve told them the stories of their Dad being pulled over for “fitting the description”, and of when their uncle and his friends at ten years old had squad cars roll up on them because they were playing with water guns to cool down during the hot summer. I am sure every single person of color has a story like this, just like every single woman has a story about harassment, catcalls or sexual assault.

I carry my womanhood with me every day: I’m paid less than my male counterparts, and I put up with not being listened to or taken seriously in meetings by older white men. But my experience is nothing compared to women of color. This is why white women especially need to help amplify the voices of women of color –  we need to listen to their causes, and let them lead while we take a back seat to listen and learn. 

I find it necessary to emphasize the added burden that my daughter will carry, along with every other woman of color. Until we change the system that was built to oppress anyone that isn’t white and male, she will continue to be disproportionately affected. Not only will she be discriminated against and paid less due to her skin color, but she is also more likely to experience physical violence, sexual violence, and higher rates of imprisonment than her white peers. As her white mom, it enrages me to know that my daughter will not get the same opportunities as I did as a child due to her brown skin. This is a disgraceful and unacceptable truth of our society. It doesn’t only affect my daughter, but every girl and woman of color. If you see something that isn’t right, say something, do something. My kids had to learn uncomfortable truths from an early age: no toy guns outside, the police don’t always protect you – they may kill you, people will see you differently due to your brown skin, and on and on. Teach your kids about racism early and often: have those uncomfortable conversations. It is not my daughter or son’s burden to change the racist system, it is white people: we built this system and we must tear it down and make it work for everyone.

Anyone who is reading this, I ask you: step outside of yourself and think about people that don’t look like you, that don’t come from the same socioeconomic background, and ask: “What can I learn from them? How can I help ease their burden? How can we come together to make lasting and meaningful change for future generations?”